Communication breakdown

Joey Garcia

I’m sick of my wife’s pettiness. I can’t say I’m tired without her reciting a list of everything she’s done on a day, as though I’m not permitted to be tired if she’s tired. What is wrong with her?

She’s competitive. Or she doesn’t think you do enough. Maybe she doesn’t think you appreciate the tasks she handles that maintain the lifestyle you share. If you want your wife to stop reciting her list of the ways she’s a total bad ass in the “getting things done” department, compliment her daily. Name the things she does, and thank her. Send her texts that show your appreciation. And, the next time you’re tired, don’t talk about it. Do something: Go to bed early. Take a bath. Meditate. Walk in nature. Get a massage. Take better care of yourself and your marriage will benefit.

One of my closest friends just got engaged. He doesn’t know that I’m in love with him and have been for a long time. Should I tell him how I feel?

No, not if your love is real. Authentic love would mean you’re happy for him. So ask yourself why you waited to confess your feelings until after he found the person he wants to make a forever commitment with. One possibility is that you prefer fantasy to reality. Fantasizing about being his partner helped you to create a romantic relationship in your mind that seems so real you feel compelled to protect it. That’s a lot of confusion to bring into a friendship.

The anticipation of change can be challenging. Your friend may be less available to hang out with you once he’s wed. You may be grasping for a way to prove your value in his life. But rather than pushing for time together, respect the boundary. Invest your energy in getting to know yourself more completely.

Nothing will slow your desire to spill your secret if you have a habitual attraction to chaos. Here’s what that might look like: You tell him that you love him. He has to tell the person he’s marrying. Their conversations will be less about their engagement and more about you. Your friendship with him is no longer a connection he can enjoy, it’s now something he must manage or end. Is that what you want? If not, tuck in your big feelings and be a true friend. Be happy that he is in love.

I hate the way social media is used to catalog every stage of a relationship. It’s stupid. Why should I care about anyone’s relationship status?

Because those posts are by your friends and you should support them? Hey, it’s cool if you tune out, but if your annoyance is related to feeling left out, admit it. Then get out there and start dating, or hang out more with friends. It also helps to accept that some of those bae posts are up seconds before or right after arguments or other relationship drama. That online post is one moment in time curated to attract attention. You’re never seeing the entire experience of two people in a relationship.

Meditation of the week
“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded,” said poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson. Who are you living for?

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