Disappearing act

Joey Garcia

I met a guy on the dating site Meet Mindful and our connection was magic. We hung out a lot and texted several times a day. He talked about trips we could take together and said he was lucky to have me in his life. Then he stopped responding to my text messages and phone calls for about three weeks. When he showed up again, it was like he never left. I didn’t want to ruin anything so I decided not to bug him about why he abandoned me. We picked up where we left off. He disappeared again. I haven’t heard from him in two weeks. I cry all the time and feel so lost. Please help.

You’re not grieving the absence of a man you barely knew, although it’s understandable that a mind would offer up that easy explanation. Truth is, you’re grieving your abandonment of yourself. You dated a guy who disappeared, reappeared, and did it again. You welcomed him back without a peep about how it felt to lose contact. He took care of himself and you took care of him, too. In the process, no one took care of you. No wonder you feel lost.

Real love is consistent. A man skilled in disappearing acts is the perfect partner for someone who prefers fantasy to reality. That way, when he slips away, she can conjure make-believe stories to fill in the blanks. Eventually, she falls in love with the story of him, then becomes frustrated with the actual man because he doesn’t measure up to her fantasy. Yikes is right.

You’ve likely heard of ghosting, when a dating connection goes pouf for no apparent reason and is never heard from again (or not for several months). Let’s drop your dating experience under “mosting.” Yes, it’s a thing. Someone slathers on all the compliments and then slides away. So, hey, ditch this guy. In the future, be honest with a crush about how you like to be treated. Prepare by meditating on the three qualities you want most in a partner. Then, open your heart to attracting someone new.

Years ago, an astrologer told me that I would find true love with many different partners, but never true love with a lifelong partner. She was right. I have had lots of wonderful relationships, but none of them have been right as my forever love. I was telling a friend about this and how much I want a life partner. My friend said I was giving too much power to the astrologer’s words. What do you think?

You’re ready to test a new belief system. The one you adopted from the astrologer worked for a time because it kept alive other ideas you have about yourself or the world. You may have worked hard to live into the astrologer’s directive. Don’t pour energy into making her wrong. Instead, choose to love with an awareness of infinity, instead of focusing on human constructs of time.

Meditation of the week
“I know I am but summer to your heart, and not the full four seasons of the year,” wrote poet Edna St. Vincent Millay. How much love do you have to give?”

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