Too many chances

Joey Garcia

I met the perfect man. We talked for hours at a party and at the end of the night he kissed me. It was pure bliss. He called as promised and invited me to see a movie. When I arrived, he was so distant it was like he was a different person. I tried to bring things up from the conversation we had before, but he was completely shut off. I asked him if I did something wrong. He said no, and then told me I was insecure. I went home feeling off-balance. The next weekend he invited me out. I went. He was friendly, but nothing like that first night. Next, he asked me to dinner. I decided to give him another chance. He was lukewarm until the end of the night when he planted an amazing kiss on me. What gives?

You do, honey. You keep giving this man another chance to be consistent. He continues to prove that he’s inconsistent. Don’t let two delicious kisses distract you from reality. You share sexual chemistry with him but he’s not open to a relationship right now. If you don’t believe me, ask him. Like this: “When we met, I felt a real connection as we talked and when we kissed. Since then, other than our kiss the other night, it feels like there’s a wall between us. Are you open to a relationship with me?”

Standing in front of him with your heart in your hand might feel scary. And, yes, there’s risk in admitting to your desire. He might ridicule you. Your mind might respond to that ridicule by feeling humiliated or becoming depressed. Your mind might even spin a series of lies, like: “No one will ever love me. I’m such a loser.” But if this man refuses your invitation into relationship, you can also remind yourself of the truth: You had a life experience. That’s all. The faster you bounce back, the sooner you’re ready to meet the man who can offer the love you want.

My ex-husband is bisexual, not a big deal, I knew this when we married and I trusted him to be faithful to me. He was, I know that. He’s now with a man. I have no issues with his choice. My concern is that we have shared custody of our five-year-old twins and I’m not sure how to explain Daddy’s new friend to them in an age-appropriate way. Suggestions?

Yes, focus on love: “Daddy and Mommy love each other but are no longer living together. People can fall in love with someone of the same gender or of a different gender. Daddy loves someone of his same gender now. That means Daddy loves another man.” A few other thoughts for you and your ex: don’t introduce your children to dates until that dating relationship is serious, exclusive and committed. That means both you and the person you’re dating have spoken the words “I love you” to each other and you are on a path toward weaving your lives together. And, neither parent should have hookups or sleepovers when the kids are at home.

Meditation of the week
“You have a mind. And you have other people. Start with those and change the world,” said educator Elizabeth Coleman. Where does your energy go?

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