Dear Person Debating Whether to Attend This Weekend’s TBD Fest,

 What’s the problem?

First, a link to the ticket site. 

Now, let me be clear that I’m no Sacramento cheerleader. That’s the mayor’s job. My job is to direct people to cool things. And while I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no arbiter of cool, I’m going to stick my neck out and recommend this weekend’s three-day TBD Fest along the river in West Sacramento.

It’s safe to say Sacramento has never seen a festival like this. It’s such a big deal that national news is paying attention. The only thing that could possible make it cooler would be if Aphex Twin was performing Syro (next year?).

Anyway, there are big-name indie and dance acts like Explosions in the Sky and Justice, a wealth of undercard talent such as Com Truise or Goldroom, food and drinks from your fav locals like Mother and Block Butcher Bar, and an artfully crafted ambience by all those Midtown hippie artists. This is not Lollapalooza at Cal Expo in 1996. This is special.

What’s that? You’re still not convinced. What the hell? Do you need a listicle? You’re terrible—but here’s one, anyway:

A fistful of reasons to be at this weekend’s TBD Fest:

5. Amusement rides and pretty stuff. TBD will be home to a giant Ferris wheel and a yo-yo style swing that launches you 60-feet in the air. Or something like that. Maybe 80 feet. Who’s really measuring. Anyway, rides, yo!

I’m also told this won’t be some lame festival where the organizers throw up chain-link fence, a stage, then tap some Coors Light kegs and call it a day. In the tradition of Launch, there will be designs and cool stuff to gaze upon. Maybe it’ll be trippy, even. I’m told that an artist has been welding together a giant piece at the festival’s main gate for the past four days. Plus cool lights, elevated pavilions, riverfront views—so pretty it might even be kinda romantic. I’m thinking Woody Allen’s Manhattan caliber mise-en-scene. All that’s missing is a time machine to go back and hook-up with 1978-era Diane Keaton (or will there be one?).

There’s also yoga every day, too, if that’s your thing. Or if your thing is just watching attractive people carry yoga mats around (winner!).

4. A foodie stage and unshitty beer. There’s a food competition at TBD called “The Pit.” It’ll work like this: Restaurants like Hook & Ladder, Block, Mother, Lucca, Grange, Hawks, Ten22, 58 Degrees and more will prepare small bites in an open-fire kitchen. Attendees will taste these for free and vote for the winner. I’m also told there’ll be a grip of awesome eateries serving up fare. No hot dog for you. Bonus: Chef Michael Tuohy from Block Butcher Bar is in charge, and he doesn’t drop the ball.

As for the brew: Track 7, Yolo, Bike Dog, Woodfour, Heretic, Ruhstaller and Berryessa will be poured in the special craft beer area. If you like to swill piss, I’m sure there’ll be some Bud Light out there, too.

3. Bike valet. Remember the last time you drove to a concert or festival in S.F. and spent 20 bucks on gas, plus bridge tolls? Yeah, you can just bike over to TBD. Free bike parking. No big deal.

2. This one goes past 11. You ever notice how all outdoor festivals in Sacrmamento have to be over by 10 p.m. Like we’re 12 years old. Well, TBD is in West Sac. This shit goes until midnight. We’re grown folk on the west side.

1. There is absolutely nothing else going on this weekend in Sacramento and all your friends will be here. Baseball playoffs? Whatever (A’s fan here). 

That is all.