SN&R’s predictions for Breaking Bad’s finale

In case you’ve been smoking meth and chowing Funions while living under a rock, you know the popular schoolteacher-turned-meth-druglord drama Breaking Bad’s series finale is this Sunday.

(Spoilers, duh.)

I’ve got my own ideas as to the fate of Walter White, Jesse Pinkman, the Nazis, Elliott and Gretchen, Skyler and Marie and Walter Jr. and the lot.

But, first, speculation by my lovely co-workers:

Founding Editor Melinda Welsh: “Walter White—now Heisenberg—buys machine gun for the trunk of his car, gets the ricin from his abandoned home, goes after the Nazis, blows away the compound and unintentionally helps free Jesse in the bargain. The ricin is for Lydia. Skyler is indicted; Marie gets the kids. After Nazi shoot-out, Jesse can’t kill White; he reunites with Brock. Walter White kills himself in the end rather than die alone in jail of cancer.”

IT mastermind John Bisignano: “How about, Walt goes after the gang, gets his money back, rescues Jesse, dies in the process, and Jesse gives all the money to Walt’s family. A little far fetched, but I find the show so unpredictable.”

Co-editor Rachel Leibrock: “Walt dies. Skyler, too. Aunt Marie gets Walt Jr. and Holly.

Jesse stumbles off into the sunset, looking for redemption and Brock.

“Bonus round: Evil Landry (a.k.a. Todd) and Lydia hook up … and then Lydia has him killed—well, one can dream anyway …”

Sales expert extraordinaire Joy Webber: “Walter comes back into town, blows away Uncle Jack and his gang and Lydia but saves Jesse. He recovers the money and gets it to his wife and kids.

“He makes a public confession releasing any liability on his wife, kids and Jesse. He then takes the ricin killing himself.”

The common denominator: Walt, or Heisenberg—or whoever he is now—will be going Rambo on Albuquerque’s Aryan Brotherhood.

There’s no dissent on the ever-popular Breaking Bad subReddit, where commetners seem to agree that this will be Walt’s fate.

Which is why I expect a curveball. Or 10.

Consider: What drives Walt’s ego?

Money? Sure.

Purity of his meth product? Bingo! He got pissed back in season two when Jesse tried to cook his own blue varietal.

In the penultimate episode, what sparked Walt to leave the bar and not turn himself in?

Gretchen and Elliott’s shit-talking? Eh.

His learning that the blue meth is still out there on the streets, and in Europe, which means that the Nazis didn’t keep their promise and kept Jesse alive to cook? Aces!

Walt can’t have that. The blue is his legacy.

So, maybe the ricin is for the blue meth, and Walt uses it to poison a batch and ruin his empire’s brand, all the while killing tens of thousands of addicts worldwide.

That’d be baaaaaad. Definitely Mr. Chips to Scarface bad.

Of course, I don’t see how Walt cooks with Todd and Jesse still around. Hence, that big ol’ M60 machine gun in the trunk of his New Hampshire Volvo.

Still, part of me thinks the M60 will be one big ol’, high-powered red herring. We’ll see …

Walter Jr. is done; he had his closure. Skyler gets indicted. Marie takes the kids.

Final scene, same as how Breaking Bad’s pilot ended: Walt, in the desert—but this time he actually kills himself.

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