What do you do when you can’t get a guy off your mind? I am a 34-year-old single woman who joined the Naval Reserve a few years ago. Now I can’t get my recruiter off my mind. I’m not even especially attracted to him. I think he’s good-looking, objectively, but he’s not my type at all, not physically or socially. Anyway, I keep having dreams with him in them, some sexual, some not. I do happen to believe that my dreams are trying to tell me something, but just what I don’t know! I would really prefer to get him out of my head, because he ain’t paying rent, if you know what I mean. I would appreciate your insight.
If your mind is recycling romantic thoughts, that generally means that you’re infected with infatuation. If those thoughts are centered on sex, it usually signals lust. But I don’t think you’re suffering from either emotional illness. Instead, your struggle results from thinking literally rather than symbolically. Try asking yourself questions as if the entire situation is a dream that you’re analyzing. Begin with this: “What is the primary attribute that I associate with my recruiter?” Let’s say you decide that he symbolizes discipline. That means when your mind pushes up an image of your recruiter, it is trying to inspire you to be attentive to discipline. Similarly, in the sex dreams, your subconscious mind is simply preparing you for union with the more disciplined part of yourself. Focus on developing discipline (or whatever it is you decide that the recruiter represents) and your mind will eventually release the story lines featuring your recruiter. Until, of course, you need another jolt of discipline.
I’m a man who shares a house with two women, both of whom I’ve had a crush on before. Not much ever happened other than some intense flirting. Now, my two roommates have become a couple, much to their surprise and mine. I feel a bit weird about living there, although they both want me to stay. My buddies know that I had an interest in my roommates and they are relentless about ridiculing me. I have to admit that I’m starting to get a bit of a complex. My last girlfriend had a lesbian affair and broke up with me. Do you think there is something wrong with me?
My Magic 8 Ball says, “YES.” Here’s why: you fail to see that you are someone that other people can feel comfortable around, so comfortable that they can be themselves. After all, your roommates didn’t choose each other in order to avoid you. They simply wanted to be together.
Ask yourself why you are so intent on finding something negative about yourself. Your so-called buddies are simply adept at targeting your insecurity. The situation with your ex-girlfriend says a lot more about her than it does about you, because an affair is a very unhealthy way to initiate a breakup. Who the affair is with is not the issue. So forget your goofy friends. Their brains haven’t evolved to the 21st century.
Here’s some homework: watch a few wildlife shows on the Discovery Channel. Then remember that you have the ability to operate from your consciousness, not just from your biology. (Don’t do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel.) Decide, on your own, if your living situation is the ideal nest to give flight to who you really are. If so, stay. If not, move. And find some new buddies while you’re at it.