I dated a man on Match who said I was the kind of woman he’d been waiting for. He’s more successful than me, but didn’t seem to mind that I’m still working my way up. There was one weird thing. He would flirt via text and when I responded in kind, he would be critical and say something really mean about me. On our second date, he did it in person. I told him it wasn’t OK. He brushed me off. The rest of our conversation and date went great. He said he couldn’t wait to see me again. Then he ghosted me. After I left him another voicemail, he texted that I wasn’t his type. WTF?

Instead of wondering what went wrong, mind your business. Don’t ask why he loved mixing cruel comments into flirtatious conversations. Celebrate standing up for yourself when he attacked. Be grateful that he saw you as a woman too smart for him to dominate. Thank the universe for having your back. You were dating a man who finds pleasure in causing pain. Isn’t it wonderful that he turned into a ghost and floated away?

You can do a deep dive by asking yourself why you waited so long before shutting him down. Jump in faster next time someone attempts to manipulate you. It’s good self-care and it’s a lovely way to ensure he thinks twice before trying it with the next woman he dates.

In the future, spend more time thoughtfully considering whether a man’s behavior is something you want in your life. Don’t dismiss seriously hurtful comments in the hope that a man will fall madly and cherish you. This is life, not a Lifetime movie. People change because they want to change, not because we have convinced them to become our soul mates. I’m sure that you know this, but when our hearts lean into romantic dreams of the future, it can be difficult to remain self-aware.

My girlfriend and I were planning to move in together (her idea) since she’s at my place most of the time. Most of her clothes and stuff were already here. I came home last week and every trace of her is gone. It’s as if I made her up! I tried to reach her but she blocked my number. I contacted one of her friends who said that my girlfriend went back to her ex-husband. He’s a guy my girlfriend described as dangerous. I’m worried about her and don’t know what to do because she blocked me. Advice?

Trust that your ex-girlfriend is an adult who has chosen to place herself back into a living situation that she once abhorred. If you step beyond the boundary she established by blocking your number and ending contact, you will have crossed into a dangerous situation.

She is not your now. She is not your future. She is a woman you once knew. When your mind wanders into memories of being together, rein it in by focusing on whatever you are doing at the moment. Choose to create a life for yourself that is healthy, full and free.