Salt and sugar daddies

Joey Garcia

I have a lifestyle that I can’t afford, so I’ve been looking for a sugar daddy. I met a man online interested in my companionship. We had three dates. He brought me an expensive gift each time and showered me with compliments. In between dates, he texted several times daily. He was always a gentleman. Then he invited me to go away with him for the weekend. When I arrived at the hotel, the room was paid for ($350 a night) but he wasn’t there. Two hours later, I began texting and calling. I was frantic, thinking he had been in a terrible accident. No response! He never showed up! Recently, I saw him online again. I was angry and hurt. I emailed saying I was glad he was okay. He blocked me! What is going on?

You’re expecting respect from a man you met on a website that is designed to facilitate relationships as a commodity. That’s not logical. The people who do well in the “sugar” business are those with personality disorders that make emotional intimacy difficult for them. If it’s important to you to continue in this scheme, you’ll need to construct a barrier around your heart and mind. Removing that barrier later will likely require psychotherapy. So bank a chunk of the cash you’re seeking to earn, and plan to sell those trinkets you’ve been collecting in exchange for your time. You’ll need those funds to support a life free of the problems this lifestyle could inspire.

Let’s break down the possible issues in the man you’ve described. He may enjoy courtship but lack the cojones for a relationship. Or he’s reenacting a romantic ideal, building up your hopes, in order to derive pleasure from your response to abandonment. Or he was there. He watched you from a hidden spot in the lobby, or planted a camera in the room. Ewww, right? All salt, no sugar.

My advice? Believe people when they show you who they are. Do you know why you felt hurt and angry after discovering this man online searching for another woman? Take a breath, this is some real sugar: You never showed up for yourself. All of your energy was devoted to securing him as your bank. You never considered whether you should tolerate his no-show, no-call behavior. It’s not adulting to send him an email saying you’re glad he’s okay. It’s groveling for an apology. Yes, that means you should have blocked him after he stood you up that weekend. Be sweet to yourself. If you continue to treat yourself as a product, people will continue to respond accordingly.

Why do so many men have online photos of themselves with their teenage daughters?

Most men posting family photos are probably just proud of their progeny. Some of these photos are odd, definitely, but so are some people. If a man’s photos leave you cold, swipe left. Don’t waste your time wondering what the heck he was thinking. He probably wasn’t (hence the poor choices…). Plenty of women post photos exposing their cray-cray, too. Bet there’s lots of matches in those two groups.

Meditation of the week
“We pledge ourselves to liberate all our people from the continuing bondage of poverty, deprivation, suffering, gender and other discrimination,” said Nelson Mandela. Is this how you live? Or how you wish others to see you?

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