SCOREKEEPER: Baby Trump takes his ball and goes home, while Wonder Woman sets a refreshing example

By John Flynn

Parisian pull-out
Our short-sighted, science-averse president announced on June 1 that the United States would withdraw its commitment to the Paris climate agreement. Signed onto by 195 nations and formally ratified by 147, the accord is a non-binding agreement to lower carbon emissions in an effort to keep the planet’s temperature from rising 2 degrees Celsius above preindustrial levels. That’s the threshold that nearly all scientists predict would unleash the irreversible runaway effects of climate change. In response, California Gov. Jerry Brown and Sacramento Mayor Darrell Steinberg both pledged to abide by the guidelines set out by the accord. Future generations will ridicule us when seawater consumes the coast of our drought-stricken state, but Scorekeeper’s sure they’ll understand the importance of higher profit margins for an increasingly obsolete industry.

Tech team-up
On June 1, Mayor Steinberg announced a tentative $100 million agreement with Verizon to broadly improve the technology capability in Sacramento. Should it be approved by the council on June 6, the agreement will provide free Wi-Fi in 27 public parks, opportunities for public school students to work toward careers in STEM and innovations in transportation. In 2011, the United Nations declared access to the internet a human right. Good on the mayor.

Bridge wizards
Tai Hackett, Griffin Starr and Ansel Tucker, three Sacramento middle schoolers, took second place in a nationwide model-bridge contest for seventh- and eighth-grade students. The trio designed and built a balsa-wood-and-glue bridge weighing only 13 grams (the weight of 13 small paper clips) that withstood 67 pounds of pressure before cracking. For their structure that could support 2,337 times its own weight, the boys were awarded $900. It’s uncertain what this will mean for their allowances going forward.

Boy, bye
Esquire IMAX Theatre donated $1,000 on June 3 in proceeds from its screenings of Wonder Woman to WEAVE. The best-reviewed DC Comics movie since The Dark Knight made more than $100 million in its debut weekend and attracted headlines when theaters in Austin and New York staged women-only screenings. That upset insecure males—the gender that, after this hissy fit, seems an odd choice to play the lead roles in a film subgenre in which the hero needs superhuman strength to triumph over petty oppressors.

On May 29, a stabbing occurred in Old Sacramento when a couple walked past a man who asked them for a rolling paper. They declined, and the two sides started trading insults before the couple walked off. The suspect then stabbed the man in the lower back, giving him a non-life-threatening injury. Police quickly apprehended the attacker, who will be charged with assault with a deadly weapon. Dude, they sell 50 Zig-Zags for, like, 2 bucks.

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