My girlfriend met a guy outside a convenience store and told him she liked his motorcycle. He offered her a ride (or she asked for a ride, I don’t know). Supposedly they didn’t know each other, so apparently she thought it was a good idea to get on a motorcycle with a guy she didn’t know. The guy crashed. My girlfriend broke her back and both legs. I think she was going to cheat on me but the guy crashed before anything could happen. My sister says I should go to the hospital and say hello to be nice. I think we’ll just fight, so I’m planning to break up after she gets out of the hospital. What do you think?
You dodged a bullet. Distracted by a shiny ride or impulse control issues, your girlfriend nearly lost her life. Oh sure, she can say, “You only live once” but YOLO inspires risks that lead to uphill rewards, not risks that launch downhill slides. Jumping on a bike with a stranger is impulsive and dangerous. Your girlfriend is probably embarrassed that she got herself into such a mess. It seems kinder not to break up with her while she’s in the hospital. But your absence will be painful. So write her a short letter and let her know that you wish her well but are ending the relationship. That way, while she’s healing, she can adjust to life without you.
But is breaking up right for you? There’s no evidence your girlfriend was planning to hook up with the motorcycle guy. Is your intuition inspiring you not to trust her? Has she been unfaithful before? Or is this incident a way to end a relationship that peaked, although neither of you wanted to admit it previously? By choosing to jump on a bike with a stranger, your girlfriend may have been unconsciously initiating a breakup. You made the end real by refusing to tolerate her behavior. For your own growth, pinpoint the moment you first questioned whether she was right for you. Once you realize that distrust took root long before the night she jumped on the back of a stranger’s motorcycle, letting go will be easier.
Things got serious fast with my boyfriend—he was talking marriage by our fifth date—so I decided to tell him that I’m not able to have children. He actually said that children are the reason for living. (WTF!) He also said he loved me but that he needed time to think and process. I haven’t heard from him since. He hasn’t returned my phone calls or texts. I can’t sleep or eat. Please help.
Don’t confuse reprieve with abandonment. You haven’t been discarded or forgotten. You have been saved from a man with a 19th-century mind. I know it’s heartbreaking when a relationship comes close to what our heart desires but ultimately fails to measure up. Trust a fresh perspective: There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is exactly as it should be. Don’t let his insecurities become more powerful in your mind than your awareness of how amazing you are.
Joey blogs at www.joeygarcia.com.