No more

Joey Garcia

After 15 years, I’m ready to end my relationship with my partner. We barely speak except about mundane things. There is no sex and no affection. When my father died, my partner never once asked how I felt. Financially, I support both of us. I worry about whether he can support himself without me, but I’m also ready for life without him. Is it wrong to leave him behind when he cannot take care of himself?

No, it’s wrong to believe that he cannot take care of himself. He can, and he does. That’s how he ended up living with you beyond the expiration date of the attraction you once shared. If you want to end your relationship with love, see him as your equal, and see yourself as his. Accept that he possesses the skills and drive to create a life he loves, just as you do. To believe otherwise is to use your pity to make him small.

When we talked by phone you said that your childhood dream was to build the business you now run. You explained that you are ready to sell your company and try something completely new. You didn’t yet know what. It’s time for a dream that feels so big, it seems impossible. That way, you can redirect your focus and energy away from your partner’s next steps and into your own.

I’m a gay man who had a threesome with a couple I’ve known professionally for a number of years. It was fantastic and it was enough. I’m not interested in being with them again as a couple. They have asked several times. I’ve said no. I feel uncomfortable now when I run into them at business events. Any suggestions?

The next time they ask you to have sex, smile and ask for the name of their attorney. When they ask why, answer: “I need to know where to send the sexual harassment complaint!” Flash a professional, yet unapproachable smile. Explain again, firmly and without joking, that you never, ever want to hook up with them. Do not smile when you say that they must never ask again. Then tell them to post an ad on Craigslist, or to troll the Internet for a boy toy. Add that their persistent pursuit of you means you must avoid talking to them in the future. The next time you see them, keep your distance. They sound odd.

My friends call the guy I like a creeper because he is shy. He talks a lot to me when we are alone, but doesn’t open up in front of people he doesn’t know, or doesn’t want to know. My friends have started leaving me out of fun stuff they’re doing. Please help.

Ah, frenemies. If you let them decide who you like, or can hang out with, you will be under their control. But don’t throw yourself into a relationship with this guy, either. It’s too soon to know whether he should be your one and only. Get to know him gradually. As you do, widen your friend group to include people who will include you.

Meditation of the week
“Break a vase and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole,” wrote Derek Walcott. Have you discovered power in your broken places?Come hear from Joey Garcia and others at the seminar, “The Courage to Live Your Dreams,” from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on April 29. For tickets, email

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