South by West Sac
West Sacramento Mayor Christopher Cabaldon went the extra miles last week, attending hipster heaven South by Southwest, where he boasted to Route Fifty his goal of running his administration like a “lean startup.” The popular seven-termer (!) has always been his city’s biggest cheerleader. Just check out his social media feeds to see him hard-selling everything from the riverfront’s new tongue-curved events center, The Barn, to goats. Actual goats. Here’s hoping that last tweet stirred a response from SXSW headliners the Wu-Tang Clan, which can really claim G.O.A.T. (“greatest of all time,” for you squares) status.
Monster mouth alert
According to an American Association of Orthodontists report from February, 13 percent of association members are seeing patients who have attempted to straighten their own teeth using everyday materials like rubber bands, dental floss, fishing line and paper clips. Ouch! The trend, which was first identified last year, is attributed to the spread of YouTube video tutorials that people are following with “horrific results,” said Dr. Andrew Harner, president of the California Association of Orthodontists. Coincidentally, disseminating DIY dental surgery videos is also part of Republican plan to expand “access” to health care.
In honor of Women’s History Month, the conservative, anti-women Independent Women’s Forum will award Vice President Mike Pence the Working for Women Award. Of course. A staunch opponent of Planned Parenthood and paid family leave, Pence also voted thrice against legislation that would narrow the gender wage gap and remained on Donald Trump’s ticket after recordings surfaced of his boss bragging about sexual assault. These are just a few of the reasons that Jezebel referred to Pence as “a prolapsed anus in a hairpiece.” That’s a tad harsh. Unlike his running mate’s, Pence’s hair is real.
Johnny B. Gone
Chuck Berry, the father of rock and roll, died March 18 at the age of 90. By melding city blues with hillbilly folk, Berry laid the foundation for a musical genre he himself perfected through tight, timeless jams played harder and faster than any before him. Berry’s tasty licks and jimmy-leg stage presence have been cribbed by everyone else ever since. So essential was Berry, in fact, that his music literally transcends the cosmos: In 1977, “Johnny B. Goode” was shot into space as part of the Voyager space mission. You’re welcome, aliens.
A 34-year-old Sacramento woman faces felony animal cruelty charges after she allegedly poured bleach on her boyfriend’s dog Saturday afternoon. Police say the crime occurred during a March 19 domestic dispute involving the couple in south Sacramento, where bleach was also thrown on the man’s clothing. The suspect, Gakazia Jackson, was released from jail Sunday morning. A police spokesman said the dog’s owner intended to seek veterinary care for his dog, which suffered irritation to its eyes and face.