Conscious dating

Joey Garcia

Where are the conscious men? I moved to Sacramento six months ago. I’m single, 45 years old, fit and have a great career. I do yoga and meditate daily and consider myself a spiritual person. The men I’ve met here are not very self-aware. It’s disconcerting that so many men are spiritually unavailable. What’s going on?

It’s simple: You haven’t yet met the man who is looking for you. Trust me, he’s out there wondering where the conscious women are, and why he doesn’t feel a connection with the women he’s meeting. Hopefully, he’s not putting those women down because that wouldn’t be in alignment with an evolved consciousness, right?

So when you meet a man, how do you know he’s awake? A core quality of consciousness is the ability to communicate honestly and to manage conflict respectfully. A conscious person is driven by the desire to grow, so he willingly tackles any relationship issues that arise. When the going gets tough, he engages in difficult conversations without yelling or name-calling or running away. He’s open to your feedback, recognizes his responsibility and handles it. A conscious man wants to be understood and he seeks to understand. He’s authentic and ready to share responsibility for the care and nurturing of the relationship.

It’s easy to imagine that a conscious relationship will be a happily-ever-after story. Yes, there’s love and beauty. But there will be fear, too, because a conscious relationship will inspire you to play big in your life, to love with abandon and to be seen. If you desire a conscious man, align your energy—start living as if you are already in love with him. In the process, you’ll see and can change any attitudes or behaviors that might be pushing away the man you desire.

What’s the holiday gift protocol for a girl I like but haven’t dated that long? I’ve been given advice from my mom and some others but I wonder what you think. Thanks.

If you’ve been on between one and four dates with someone and think the relationship has long-term potential, keep it classy. Write a personal note in a beautiful blank card. Pair it with a thoughtful gift that shows you’ve been paying attention to the things your crush enjoys. You can also give her the kind of item you might bring to a dinner party at a friend’s home: a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine or an exceptional box of chocolates. Keep the purchase under $25.

That probably answers your question, but just in case, here are other timelines to consider. The trickiest dating period is one to three months, because you’re not exclusive or serious yet, but one of you probably wants to be. Missteps include love bombing a crush with gifts that are too romantic or expensive. That’s a sign you’re pushing the relationship to the stage your mind fantasizes about, instead of allowing love to unfold naturally. Redirect your focus to a gift certificate for playful activities neither of you are experts in. Think rowing, kayaking, indoor skydiving, outdoor ice skating or a cooking class. The couple that plays together discovers the healing power of laughter.

And since I’ve been talking to a lot of bickering couples let me add that, for them, the best gift is one that’s a reminder of happier times.

Meditation of the week
“As long as we are not ourselves, we will try to be what other people are,” writes Malidoma Patrice Somé. The greatest gift we can give the Divine and the world is to be ourselves. What do you need to shed to be more you?Joey co-hosts The Salve podcast with Bethany Crouch:

Our content is free, but not free to produce

If you value our local news, arts and entertainment coverage, become an SN&R supporter with a one-time or recurring donation. Help us keep our reporters at work, bringing you the stories that need to be told.


Stay Updated

For the latest local news, arts and entertainment, sign up for our newsletter.
We'll tell you the story behind the story.