A touchy subject

Joey Garcia

My wife is super-defensive about sex. She overreacts every time I touch her. She always assumes I want sex, when sometimes I just want to touch her because I love her. We’re in our 30s, married for five years and have had sex maybe once a month for the last 18 months. I’m sick of getting myself off. How can I approach her so she’s less defensive?

Keep your touch honest. Right now, your touch carries the weight of conflicted thoughts. Heal that dilemma by reminding yourself sexual desire is normal, and so is your attraction to your wife. Don’t let your mind be consumed with strategizing ways to approach her. That pattern of thinking is manipulative, and can be felt in your presence and through your touch.

Your work now is to be clear with yourself: You would love it if caressing your wife led to sex, and if it doesn’t, you’re cool with that. By living between your wants and hers, you are free to enjoy what unfolds. Focus on the sensuality of the moment, while staying in the moment. Don’t try to drive the moment toward sex. Let every touch be a meditation. Like this: No past, no future, only this breath moving into being.

One of my best friends liked a guy who didn’t like her. Now he likes me, and she’s says I can’t be with him because she liked him. But they never dated, never kissed or anything. I like him but I don’t want to lose her friendship. What should I do? We’re all in high school by the way, but he goes to a different school than my friend and me.

Unfortunately, trying to punish someone for unrequited affection isn’t limited to teens. It happens between college students, it happens among middle-aged adults and it even happens in assisted living facilities between senior citizens. Emotional immaturity can occur at any stage of life. So think of your dilemma as the universe teaching you how to navigate other people’s drama, without taking it on. Practice inspires progress, right? Consider this: If you obey your gal pal’s dating restrictions, you will keep her friendship, but lose your self-respect. If you choose your guy, you lose a gal pal. But is she really a pal? A real friend wouldn’t quibble about you dating a guy she once liked but got nowhere with. Don’t let her intimidate you. Follow your heart.

One of my friends went to a well-known psychic and wants me to go. I’ve had a lot of pain—my husband died, I lost my job and have health problems. I’ve never seen anything positive come from my friend’s sessions with her psychic, though. It’s expensive, and just gives my friend justification for what’s happening (like karma), but doesn’t really help her. Should I be more open-minded?

You are open-minded. Here’s the evidence: You listened to your friend, you analyzed her experience, you are aware of your pain and you considered finances. You also seem to understand that not all psychics offer true insight. Yes, there are individuals who can see another reality, and I’ve met a few. But before seeing a psychic, develop and strengthen your own intuition. That way, you won’t be inclined to create the future a psychic describes, unless it suits you.

Meditation of the week
“My friends don’t have to love each other, but it’s my job to love everybody,” said business mogul Russell Simmons at the Wisdom 2.0 conference that was held February in San Francisco. Whom do you love?

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