I’ve spent years working menial jobs, and spent a fortune on life coach and yoga teacher training programs, but never achieved the success I know I am meant to have. I find myself filling notebooks with ideas for projects, talking to friends about my plans but nothing ever happens. I get depressed about feeling stuck, and tell myself getting stoned makes me more creative, so I do that. I’ll be 32 in a few weeks, and I still live with my parents (although in a separate building on their property). I want to break out, but I don’t know how. Advice, please.
Actually, you know exactly what to do, and you proved it by going to my website (www.joeygarcia.com) and emailing me. You took action. So try this: Sit still. Breathe. Let your projects drift into your consciousness one by one. As they do, notice: Is there a project that feels too big? Is there a project that inspires you to laugh and cry simultaneously with joy? Pick one project and streamline your activities to support its creation. When you feel stuck, or discouraged, meditate and ask for advice. Ask family and friends, too. But mostly, don’t give up. That’s the difference between most success and failure: stubbornness. Or in fancy-pants language: perseverance. You’ve proven that you have it because you’ve stubbornly pursued your willingness to daydream, and to fill notebooks with ideas. It’s time to transfer that stubbornness into substance. Do it. The world needs you to be who you were meant to become.
My oldest daughter’s boyfriend proposed to her at Christmas. I should be excited, I know, but I feel weirdly emotionally numb. I’m embarrassed about this, especially because family and friends have been congratulating me after engagement photos were posted on Facebook. I smile but freeze up inside. I am afraid that someone will notice and say something awful. I don’t know what is wrong with me.
Let’s talk about what is right with you. A deep and abiding self-awareness is alive inside you. That’s the ability that gave you insight into your reaction to your daughter’s engagement. Be grateful. Nourish your capacity to pay attention to your internal world, and to identify the thoughts and feelings you experience. Some people are unable to admit their pain, much less name it. Others lack the humility to acknowledge the connection between their feelings, and the external situation that seems to have been the source. Of course, “seems” is the key word, because your discomfort is not about your daughter’s engagement. That’s just a trigger. When we talked on the phone you revealed you were divorced. Your emotions want you to revisit the dissolution of your marriage, and the residue of feelings still associated with it. You also insisted that you were completely over your ex-husband because you had been to therapy. I pointed out that your body is insisting otherwise. The therapy you had a decade ago seemed complete because you either reached the end of what you could integrate at the time, or you reached the limit of your therapist’s skills. Your body is alerting you to good news: You are ready for the next level of healing. You told me that your ex-husband became engaged to his mistress while still married to you. The fear of another betrayal remains embedded in your body. A licensed massage therapist with training in energy work and life coaching could help.