Gastronomicon: Revisiting crust knuckles with Pizza Hut's Cheesy Bites Pizza

Somehow I missed that the Hot Dog Bites Pizza from Pizza Hut was preceded by something much less explicitly offensive: The Cheesy Bites Pizza.

If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the other. Just swap the dough-wrapped knuckles of hot dog at the end with melted almost-mozzarella chunks and you’ve got it. They recently brought this cheese variant back after the nation saw the Hot Dog Bites pie and loudly declared “GOOD GOD CALL THE PRIEST.”

After picking this one up for the first time, it all feels old hat. The only noteworthy high point on this pie is the way that the cheese leaking out of the sides crisps up nicely, making for tasty little mozz chips to dip in the tub of marinara. We also noticed some new dust on the crust, some blend of garlic powder and parsley stems, which we somewhat enjoyed.

Beyond that, it’s just a mutated stuffed crust with sub-par materials. You can rip off the little cheeze knuckles, but just like the hot dog pizza, it still leaves you without a crust to grip. And leaving them on isn’t much better—the little finger-like nubs will leave you feeling like you’re holding hands with your slice.

We paid $11.99 before tax and delivery charge for a one-topping large. Was it worth it? Not really. You could argue over the novelty, but when I can get larges from Domino’s for $8 apiece and feel better about actually eating them, that’s what’s gonna happen. Save this pizza for those mired in the stuffed-crust life.

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