Mayor Kevin Johnson's big French lesson

Mayor Kevin Johnson, congratulations on your first U.S. state dinner at the White House. Yeah, it’s with French president Francois Hollande. But it’s still the White House. That’s something to brag about to the whales!

And the best part: No Tuesday night City Council meeting (high five!).

Anyway, I read that the wife, Michelle Rhee, helped you brush up on some bonsoirs and bon appetits in the limo ride to Chez Obama. Maybe you also had a chance to watch Amelie on the plane?

Bon chance with that. The French have nothing to offer. You’re gonna need your tried-and-true zingers, those go-to power phrases. This the putain state dinner, Mr. Mayor.

I lived in France for two years. Let me help with a quick French lesson:

For instance, the French aren’t much for public subsidies. You’re going to have to explain youself. So, “It’s bigger than basketball”: Il est plus grand que basket.

Tres bien!

OK, now, how about: “Sacramento is a world class city”: Nous somme de class mondiale, internationale! You might even pound your fist on a table, or onto your open palm, for emphasis.

The French are drunks. So you’ll need “I don’t drink, thank you”:

Je ne bois pas, merci.

The French are also nuts for scandal. “There was no secret deal”: N’avait pas un accord secret.
A few more:

“Teachers are a pain in the ass”: Les enseignants sont une douleur dans le cul.

“Of course I’m a strong mayor!”: Mais bien sûr, je suis un maire fort!

“You wouldn’t believe Vivek’s private sauna!”: Vous devriez voir les sauna de Vivek!

“I don’t give a fuck about STOP!”:  Je m’en fous de STOP, connard!

“Where is the toilet?”: Ou sont les toilettes?

“Where is the shower?”: Ou est la douche?

“And the best part is that I get my own private suite at the new arena!”: Et la meilleure partie, je reçois ma propre suite privée à la nouvelle arène!

Very good, Mr. Mayor. Enjoy the dinner!

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