One vote for a Nixon-Dubya dinner in 2016

30% of the nation’s oil supply was in that hair.

We here at SN&R are sometimes guilty of picking on Republicans. See:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

But it’s all in good fun. And by that, I mean Republicans are a lot more fun to rib than boring old Democrats. If the Republican Party is The Karate Kid's blonde baddie Billy Zabka—a petty bully with a perpetual sneer—then the Democratic Party is The Next Karate Kid's Hilary Swank: kind of lame and totally forgettable.

So, in anticipation of tonight’s annual Sacramento County Republican Party din-din fundraiser, I offer a playful crane kick to the pants of our local GOP imprint.

In the past few weeks, SCRP has been sending out regular email reminders for its “Lincoln-Reagan Dinner 2013” at downtown’s House Kitchen & Bar. The May 31 soiree is set to feature a veritable “Who’s that?” of red state bigwigs—put your mutha-effin’ hands up for Board of Equalization member George Runner!—as well no-host cocktails and a cigar bar. (Because Republicans love freedom, but hate their bodies.)

In true 1-percenter fashion, tickets start at $75 per and go all the way up to $2,500 if you want your name NASCARed all over this piece. For your largesse, you get your choice on entrees, including a vegetarian option. But I’m pretty sure that’s there so Republicans can flag the commies, homosexuals and general subversives in attendance.

But my favorite thing about this dinner might be the name. Dubbing your annual cash-grab after the only two Republican presidents the public fondly remembers is a bit of nostalgia-inducing genius. But it’s also something more.

These days, as the party of the right finds itself roiled by internal rifts and tea party upstarts, Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan might be the only conservative icons today’s Republicans can actually agree on liking. (Sorry, Teddy Roosevelt, you’re just too much of a tree-hugger.)

Honest Abe because he’s on money, got Spielbergized and, oh yeah, ended slavery, which is the only federal intervention in history Republicans will admit supporting (and mostly because it’s good for their poll numbers in southern states.) And the Gipper, because he, um, well, he had really great hair. Coff.

So as our state capital Republicans sit down tonight to break bread with each other, I hope they reflect on their party’s tortuous history and the types of leaders they want to emulate, not just namecheck.

Oh yeah, and if you see an unwashed subversive wandering into your festivities, I’ll take the veggie plate. Please and thank you.

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