My husband works in a large engineering company filled with young, responsible, good-looking, smart, single men. I had cocktails after work with my single girlfriends who were complaining about the lack of dateable men. I talked about my husband’s co-workers and offered to set them up. Later that night, I told my husband we should have a matchmaking party, and he had a fit. He said I was jeopardizing his job just to please my “freaky” girlfriends. So then it came out that he doesn’t like my friends. The problem is my girlfriends are harassing me for introductions to these guys. I don’t know what to say to them or to my still-angry husband. Suggestions?
Yes, adopt one of the finest skills of a real adult: Laugh at yourself. Be amused by your willingness to leap into the lives of others and problem-solve their troubles away without considering the consequences. Who could blame you? If you are happily ensconced in a loving partnership, you want your friends to experience the same bliss. Of course, your intoxicated state that evening (giggling with the girls, delighted by your own romantic good fortune, a cocktail or two bubbling about your brain) upped the ante. You are sweet to offer matchmaking services, and your husband is correct that the endeavor could go sideways. He wants you out of his workplace, and you should respect that request. As much as I share your enjoyment of getting individuals matched with mates, I know office gossip creates office drama that can stall careers. You and your husband are likely to get stuck in the middle of any challenge faced by the couple you have introduced. The gal may ask you to find out what the guy really thinks of her. The guy might ask your husband to find out about her finances. Get the snapshot? Unless the pair transitions smoothly from introduction to commitment (which can happen, of course), you and your man are on call as coaches, confidantes and chemists. After a couple of weeks, it’s a bore.
Here’s how to exit the imbroglio: Tell the truth. Inform your gal pals that you were so excited about taking credit for transforming their love life, you overstepped a boundary. Explain that you do not know if these men are gay, straight, available or involved. Be clear that it’s not appropriate for you or your husband to inquire about a co-worker’s private life. Then, propose a singles party. Ask each girlfriend to invite a man she is not interested in but thinks another friend might be. The party can be held at a bar or home. Don’t use your home, however, since your husband has made his feelings about your friends clear. Instead, take on a prep task, such as organizing snacks and drinks. Or pour your creative energy into helping your girlfriends write Internet dating profiles. Try Chemistry.com, where care is taken by company staffers to pre-select suitors to ensure attraction on all levels.
For six months, I dated a guy I was totally into. We even met each other’s parents. I called him yesterday about our weekend plans and he said, “We don’t have plans. It’s just not working out between us.” Then he hung up. I called but he didn’t call me back. I want to get married and thought we were on the road. What happened?
It didn’t work out the way you expected, honey. Choosing to be an adult means accepting that mysteries exist and people are not under our control. So don’t let your mind use this experience to question everything you said or did in the relationship. After all, rejection may be God’s way of protecting you. Consider yourself blessed.