When my girlfriend separated from her husband two years ago, he bought her a car to win her back. I begged her not to accept it, but she did. When he realized she was not returning, he stuck her with the car note. I consider myself her knight in shining armor, so I started paying it. Then her sister, a real-estate agent, talked her into buying a condo that she could not afford. I could not talk her out of it. So now I have paid for her car, mortgage, cell phone, hair, manicures, pedicures, waxing, even grocery bills for over a year. She does not have to ask; I anticipate her needs. My problem is that I get about two or three hours of time with her per week. After work and on weekends, she is too tired or busy with hobbies or visiting family or friends. When we do get together, it is fantastic! She says she loves me and I believe it, but she gets angry and says I do not appreciate her when I ask for more time. When I remind her of all that I do, she curses me. She doesn’t tell me to stop doing, just stop talking about it. What I really want is love, time and affection. Should I leave? Stop paying her bills? How do I get more time for love and attention?
By dating someone who considers you her man—not the underwriter of her lifestyle. Hey, you deserve better than being treated like a john. But by carefully calculating the minimum amount of investment necessary to keep you hooked (and the bills paid), the woman in your life has made you into a Spitzer. Real relationships are based on friendship (you like each other, you share thoughts and experiences with each other and your actions show that you both care for one another), attraction (physical, emotional, spiritual, mental) and the willingness to extend oneself selflessly for the other. None of that exists in your affair. Seriously, if your woman loved you, she would invite you along on visits to friends and family, include you in hobbies when possible and make the relationship a priority in her life. So, yes, it’s normal to want more time, but you won’t get it by paying bills or buying bling. Remember, her husband tried to buy her back into his life, too. So, yes, stop paying her bills. Immediately. Do not gradually wean her off your wallet. Make a clean break. Then get yourself on a dating Web site and find a woman who wants a partner, not a sugar daddy. In the meantime, since you have piles of unneeded cash, donate it to an organization that serves children in developing countries. You can feed, clothe and educate a village full of children orphaned by AIDS with the money that this silly woman has been siphoning from you.
I live near a private religion-run elementary school and am horrified daily at the way parents drive when they drop off or pick up their children. The other day, a woman blocked traffic in one direction by double-parking and refusing to move. Since there was a constant stream of traffic in the opposite direction, I could not move around her. The other drivers and I had to wait near until school was out and her kid had climbed into the car. I was furious. What is wrong with these people?
They’re plagued by the same self-centeredness that infects other humans. After all, adherence to a religion encourages good behavior but doesn’t guarantee it. So tell your story to the school’s principal. Hopefully, he or she will take time to observe the situation and include an item about DWGW (Driving When God’s Watching) in the next newsletter for parents.