I had two perfect dates with a guy and then never heard from him again, even though he said he would call. We laughed, talked long into the night, he kissed me on the cheek and asked if I wanted to go out again. It’s been two weeks. Should I call him? Or forget about it? What happened?
Life or death, probably. Life: His career has been demanding and exhausting, or he’s head over heels for someone else, or a family member is in trouble and it’s all his heart can handle right now. Death: He met someone else and didn’t believe he had enough history with you to tell you, or he is afraid to get romantically involved again because at some level, he’s still nursing the last breakup. Or he was just keeping his options open and when he said he wanted to see you again, he didn’t mean it. In other words, life means his energy is directed elsewhere; death means that he let go.
Of course, none of these potential storylines are that important, except to our imaginations. But this is: Now you know what a perfect date feels like to you. Pay attention to the details of how you felt and why you felt that way. Put it all in play the next time you are dating, and let it guide you to the right relationship. But don’t expend your life energy trying to figure out why your two dates didn’t transform into a twosome. Just accept the lesson and move forward into your future.
My mom’s boyfriend is moving in with us, and he gives me the creeps. I don’t trust him and want to live with my dad. Is there any way to tell my mom without her hating me? She’s always telling us that she needs the money my dad gives her, and she would get less if I lived with him.
Your mom won’t hate you, honey, but she might be angry for a while. If so, it’s because she struggles with being a responsible adult. That means she blames others for the consequences of her life choices. So it’s not your fault if she pouts or has a tantrum. As a teenager, it’s important for you to learn to assert, respectfully, what is best for you. If that means living with your dad and your dad is cool with that, transition to his house. The key is to find the environment where you feel safe, cared for and able to do your best work in school. And, regarding your mom’s budget, she’ll learn to deal, as we all must do when it comes to money. So talk to your dad. If he agrees that you can move in (and if your parents’ custody agreement allows it), tell your mom about your choice. Practice the conversation beforehand in your journal or with a trusted friend. Keep your comment as simple as possible: “Mom, I am moving in with Dad. I am afraid that this will make you angry, but I know we can get through it together.” If she asks why you’re leaving, say: “It feels like the best option right now,” or something like that. This first conversation is just to relay information. Later, after emotions subside, you can discuss the issue in detail.
In the meantime, don’t let yourself be manipulated into taking care of her feelings or being made responsible for her finances. Just state what you want and trust that eventually she will understand. If she responds angrily, let her be. Learning to face the anger of people we love without guilt or fear of losing them is a skill that is vital for adulthood.
