I went to a nightclub recently with a guy friend (we’re both in our 30s). A few months ago I was interested in the club’s manager. We hooked up one night. It was fun and he said he would call. He never did. But when I showed up with my guy friend, the manager seemed really jealous. He told my guy friend that we had dated in the past. (It was one night of making out!) The whole night we were at the club, the manager kept looking at us and saying things to the guys that work for him. Later, I found out that the manager actually started rumors about my guy friend and I. I know this because one of my girlfriends heard the rumor and asked me about it. I feel like saying something to the club manager but feel that if I do, I would be blowing it up more than it really is. I am really mad about this! Any advice?
The OC called. They want their script back! I suggest that you hand it over before you become completely infected with this high-school-style drama.
Instead, follow your intuition; say nothing to the club manager. Be grateful that you have been given two opportunities to see how he operates. First, he said he would call and didn’t. So he’s not that into you. Plus, he’s not a man of his word. If he had integrity he would not promise something and not deliver on it. If he lost your number, all he had to do was say so. But that doesn’t seem to be the problem. He’s playing head games with your guy friend hoping to win the “You-want-her?-I-had-her-and-it-ain’t-all-that” power play, which doesn’t make any of you look very good.
Here’s what I want to know: What did you do to create or escalate the club crisis? Did you bring a hot guy friend or a guy that you’re really interested in and not dating yet but hope to (which means he’s a wannabe date, not a friend) in order to get the club manager’s attention? Does a guy who is ambivalent about you inspire you to push harder to get on his radar? Were you angry that he never called you? Did you carry that anger into the club and attach it to fears about becoming the center of gossip? Acknowledging your role in the drama can help you to attract men who are date-worthy. It also motivates you to actually go on dates with a man and get to know him before “making out.”
Sigh! Either I sound really parental or you sound like a teen!
My boyfriend wants to get married. I love him but don’t trust myself because I’ve made so many wrong choices in the past. How do I know if he will really be a good husband?
Surveys of couples who have been happily married for decades say that their spouses have the following 10 qualities: a good companion, dependable, loyal, affectionate, kind, understanding, interesting to talk to, intelligent, considerate and honest. If you and your boyfriend each bring those qualities to your relationship (or are clearly growing in these qualities), your marriage is likely to be a happy and healthy one.
So don’t allow your fear of past mistakes to burden your future bliss. See the past as education, a time of learning how to make choices based on what really matters, not on what society or our biology compels us towards. This will invite you to be kind to yourself and to accept the blessings headed your way. Remember, if you tell yourself the truth you will always be able to trust yourself.