One of my best friends is getting married to an absolutely wonderful guy this September. I want to be happy for them; I’m not. In fact, I’m terribly jealous. I never meet decent guys. She seemed to have the same problem but lucked into someone who is so perfect for her that I can finally comprehend the term soul mates. What can I do to be a loving supportive friend as she plans her wedding? Is there a way to kill the green monster? And why can’t I meet the right guy? I am well educated, attractive and enjoy a measure of success in my career. Why don’t men think I’m a catch?
Hey, you don’t know what men think—unless you ask them. But before you add pollster to your resume, consider this: Some guys probably think you’re amazing, others think you’re annoying or high-maintenance or not like the centerfold in their dreams. And some men probably think you are way out of their league. Comprende? It’s all opinion and none of it is actually about you. Unless, of course, you choose to burden your heart with it.
It’s wonderful that you recognize that your friend “lucked into someone.” When we have put effort into loving our lives like nobody’s watching, we align with forces greater than ourselves and synchronicities bloom. You are suddenly the right person in the right place at the right time. That’s right. Luck is 99-percent preparation.
Now, let’s tackle jealousy: When you accept that abundance exists, the green monster will disappear. In other words, just because your friend met someone doesn’t mean you won’t or can’t or that the last worthy man has been whisked away. Believe in possibilities, not scarcity. Then your heart will open to celebrate love in all its genuine forms—including a dear friend’s wedding.
I have a co-worker with the most annoying habit. She walks into the lunchroom or a workspace and asks random questions (not addressed to anyone) in her high, screechy, nasal voice. It’s as irritating as microphone feedback. She pays no attention to whether other people are already engaged in a conversation. She just starts talking loudly, asking questions. I generally just avoid her, but it’s uncomfortable for me because I feel like I’m being mean. Is there another way to deal?
Ear plugs? For her, of course. Now, here’s something for you: Imagine traveling through life with a voice few people want to hear. That exercise should raise your level of compassion. Try it and you’ll quickly understand that it’s unlikely your co-worker intentionally attempts to irritate you. It’s possible that she is genuinely curious about what is happening in the room she enters or that she is simply needy for attention. But I don’t think that she is deliberately trying to irritate others. So it’s good that you are uncomfortable ignoring her. It speaks to your generous heart.
This may be a better solution: The next time her random questions interrupt a conversation, wait for a natural break in the conversational flow then look directly at her and offer a kind hello. Explain that you are in the middle of something and can’t chat yet. Eventually she will understand. In the meantime, your heart will have grown in compassion for someone who is trying (yes, awkwardly) to connect with others.