Paranoia or proof?

Joey GarciaI think my man is cheating. He has strange phone numbers in his wallet. Phone numbers pop up on the telephone, and he swears they are wrong numbers. When I call back, no one answers. Is there a special code I need to enter? He says I am going crazy. He accuses me of being unfaithful, but I am a fool in love. I caught him cheating once in our first month together, but he’s slick now. I found one person whose name matched the phone number. I went to her house, but she swears she doesn’t know him. Why don’t these women own up to the games? Better yet, why doesn’t he own up to it? This month, for the first time in seven years, he has not given me any mad money or money for the house. I think it is because a month ago, I left a message on a cell number calling a woman stupid. I said she’d never get any money from him because all our money is budgeted. Now, the number is disconnected. I need to find the mystery woman, so I can make up my mind to stay or leave.

Why don’t you own up to your game of Russian roulette? Dial one cell phone, no answer. Dial another, and—kaboom!—your relationship is over. I think you want out of this relationship, and you’re searching for a justifiable excuse to exit. Now that your initial concerns about your man have mutated into paranoia, your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health is at risk. Don’t blame your man. His behavior is contributing to the problem, but your choices are sustaining it. First, stop stalking women. Doing so is foolish and illegal. I know you’re hurting, but bullying others is not going to mend your relationship.

Certain religions, such as Catholicism, equate adultery with murder. The adulterer, in effect, is killing his or her marriage by engaging in an affair. The grief, anger, doubt and shame that arise in such situations are completely understandable. Even if, as in your case, the couple is not married, such a blatant betrayal causes tremendous suffering. It’s interesting that your man is accusing you of being unfaithful. I agree: You are being unfaithful to yourself. Can you see it? You don’t believe him, which means that you don’t trust him. A healthy, committed relationship is built on a foundation of truth and trust. If you cannot trust your man, then it is possible that you are also mistrusting your choice of him as your life partner. When trust is absent, so is love. So, when you decide whether to stay or go, use inside information: Listen to the still, quiet voice inside that guides you to peace.

About two months ago, my boyfriend of a month dumped me. He said he didn’t like me anymore. Recently, I asked him if we could still be friends, but he doesn’t want to. This really hurts because before we went out, we were the best of friends. I need your help.

When a romantic relationship ends, it may take months or years before the former couple can enter into a true, platonic friendship. Don’t wait. Instead, reach out to old friends and try to make new ones. Remember, friendship is based on liking, sharing and caring. If your ex-beau says he doesn’t like you, that means he’s not capable of being your friend. Don’t try to change yourself to please him. Don’t try to change his mind, and don’t give him any more free rent in your head. Be grateful for what you have learned about yourself and move on to someone capable of appreciating what you have to offer.

Meditation of the week
“In the history of the world, no one has ever washed a rented car,” said Lawrence Summers, president of Harvard University. Are you willing to take responsibility for a world that you do not, and will never, own?

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