I’m a single man in my early 30s who has stopped dating and started focusing on making myself happy. I’m fed up with pursuing women and encountering annoyances like boyfriends who magically appear after I get a woman to talk to me. Basking in an attractive presence (or an unattractive one) isn’t worth the effort. If I do get a date, it’s, “Make me laugh, funny man. Entertain me. Buy me dinner. Impress me!” Dating is demeaning and too much like a job interview. I don’t want to start a family, get married or even live with someone else. I don’t consider myself that great of a catch. As a result, dating doesn’t hold a lot of purpose for me. I’m probably doing single women a favor by not dating. What do you think?
Bitter date face is so unattractive! Are you sure that’s the mask you want to continue wearing? Carrying resentment into every date ensures the presence of negative energy. I’m sure that some of your dates can feel that downbeat. So let’s clean out your mind by rethinking your presumptions.
Begin here: You have decided that the lack of interest of a few women is a wholehearted rejection of you as a suitor by all women. That’s unkind to you. You feel pressured to be clever in conversation because your dates desire a partner who shares their sense of humor. Hmm, a good sense of humor sounds like a quality that most people value. You complain that women expect you to be financially solvent enough to pick up a dinner tab. Given the current economic climate, seeking a partner who is financially responsible is sensible. Paying for a meal is courtly. But if you would rather split the check, say so when making plans. You also categorize yourself as a so-so catch but are annoyed when women agree and move on. I’d say that you are suffering from a combination of the normal frustrations of modern dating and a seriously flawed vision of yourself.
Dating is a numbers game for many people. For others, it’s an introduction into a lifelong connection. Dating is also sometimes just a sweet acceptance of settling for those people who fear being single. If you’re dating to find a partner, look for someone who can tolerate your unhealthy ego (we all have one) and who will support you in making healthier choices (emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally). Until you find that person, be good to yourself. Yes, that means choose happiness and the single lifestyle for its own sake and not to retaliate against women who are not a suitable match for you.
Why do people in happy relationships ask single people insensitive questions? Whenever I share what I did over the weekend, I’m asked: “Who’d you go with?” When I say I went alone, people say “Oh,” as if it’s weird to do things alone. If I wanted them to know who accompanied me, I would have included that information. The other day, a married female co-worker told me I needed a wife. Why insinuate that my life is inadequate? These comments hurt and make me feel poorly about myself. Suggestions?
I’m never alone. God is always with me. It’s true; that’s how I roll. You can choose to walk this planet with angels. You can choose to travel the Earth fully aware of the constant conversation in your own head. (That alone is evidence you’re not alone.) When you taste the sugar of reality, you’ll have grown the backbone necessary to turn the tables on your co-workers. Like this: “You need a wife,” a co-worker says. You respond: “If I did, I’d have one. But according to reality, I have what I need.” Boom! Confidence is so sexy, isn’t it?
