Recently, a reader posed the question, “Why is it so hard to meet someone compatible for an intimate, committed relationship?” I invited you to share advice, and you graciously responded:

It’s easy to identify women who satisfy one or more of the following qualifiers: attractive, interesting, accomplished and healthy. But all four? The mechanics alone of satisfying those qualifiers within myself takes tremendous energy. And weathering the slings and arrows of abortive attempts at relationships requires intact and functional self-esteem.—Jim

Men my age are hung up on their last relationship. They’re used to dating younger women they can control. —Heather, 33

I’m married, but I wanted to share what one woman confided on Oprah. The woman said she treats the search for eligible single men like a business: formulate a plan, make a lead/contact sheet and enlist the help of others.—Sheryl

Too many women say they don’t need a man. I believe people need someone in their life, but that doesn’t mean they can’t take care of themselves. Women don’t want to be perceived as weak, but nothing is more attractive than someone who can admit a weakness.—Tim, 41

I use the Zen mantra: “It takes as long as it takes.”—Aaron, 30-something

Until men think beyond their dicks, I’m not interested.—Anonymous, 49

My sister and I both met our wonderful husbands this way: 1) Fill a piece of paper with a description of your ideal mate. 2) Write down your favorite activities. Once a week join a local group that does one of those activities. 3) If you meet someone attractive, ask him to a meal before or after the next group activity. —Anonymous

People who can’t meet anyone for an intimate relationship are either not ready or not willing.—Ken

People think someone will fit into their life like a puzzle piece. Their puzzle should be completed before they search.—Kate

Bewildered singles might be helped by what I’ve learned: I am what I attract. Saying “I can’t find” leads to datelessness. If you want to be loved for who you are, be yourself. Do emotional processing, so you can stay in a love mindset with more people. Say, “There is an intelligent, eligible, compatible man who loves me and is here tonight,” before attending events.—Sandra

I have paid agencies thousands of dollars to meet eligible professional men. I met homely, dull men and one who was married! I called one dating service and was told to join with a man my age! If I knew one, I wouldn’t need to join, would I? —Anonymous, 50-something

Women are afraid to flirt or take risks because the media sensationalizes crimes. Men lack the skills needed to get a stranger’s attention and go from zero to meeting for coffee.—Tony

I’m still single because I’m a nice, shy, balding, freckle-faced, eyeglass-wearing, not handsome, not rich, not materialistic guy.—Kelly, 40

What do you really want? If you can honestly answer, you will find a compatible partner.—Eric