I purchased a new car in July 2001. In November 2002, I purchased a new set of mag wheels. A few weeks later, I got a flat tire that was expensive to replace. In March 2003, I had a car accident that cost me $600. In May 2003, my neighbors backed into my car, and it had to be repaired. Today, I got my windows tinted and was driving home when a truck flicked a rock at my windshield and shattered it. Why does this keep happening to me? Please explain!

If I cared about Western astrology, I could concoct an explanation involving the misalignment of stars or the retrograde motion of planets. If I invested in psychic phenomenon, I could imagine you were dragging a negative spirit along and recommend some ritual of appeasement. If I sold Feng Shui accoutrements, I could say that your problem could be cured with well-placed mirrors or bamboo flutes. Alas, I can only offer the path of radical inquiry. The good news is that it invites you to a depth that popular explanations would miss.

Step onto that path with me by answering this: Why do you think car trouble is personal? If you persist in viewing yourself as a victim of things you cannot control, you will live your life fearful, reactive and unable to cope. The reality is that you’ve had a car for two years, and its upkeep has been more expensive than expected. You can take better care of yourself by putting money aside to handle potential problems and by realizing that when a personal item is used daily, is in the company of other people and is frequently out of your sight, it is may show wear or damage over time.

Next question: What do you gain by feeling like a victim? Some people embody the victim role because it is familiar. In childhood, they also felt insignificant, invisible, ignored. So, returning to those feelings is comfortable. They ease the vulnerability of such feelings by holding firm to resentments. This serves to armor their heart. If you excavate what you gain by believing that the universe is against you, current fears will be resolved, and you’ll have insight into yourself the next time you feel as you do now.

Last question: Who are you when you are not a victim? Live the answer, and you’ll transform your life.

I’m a guy whose best friend is female. When my last relationship ended, I realized the woman I wanted was my best friend. She said that she had thought about it, too, but did not want to ruin our friendship. She refused to get together with me. Suggestions?

A solid friendship is a non-negotiable requirement for a healthy, romantic relationship. So, when a friend says, “A romantic relationship would ruin our friendship,” the translation is: A romantic relationship between us would not work. By being indirect, she spared your ego and acknowledged the friendship’s value. Unfortunately, a little sexual tension probably remains between you. Women you date likely will sense the attraction and ask questions. Don’t hide the truth, but acknowledge that you’ve moved on. To make certain you have, identify what you value about your gal pal. Then, find someone with those qualities to whom you can commit and allow yourself a new best friend.